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An Ode To Ibuprofen


Oh Ibuprofen. Where would I be without you? You’ve been a friend of mine for so long I can’t remember life without you. When I’ve injured myself – as I’ve done playing a variety of sports – you’ve been the one I’ve depended upon. And you’ve never let me down.

Your anti-inflammatory properties are what draws me to you most. You’re not like those other pain killers that just stop you feeling the pain (like a certain paracetamol). No, you actually do something real to alleviate the problem. Like that time when I fell heavily at football and landed on my shoulder. I could barely move my arm and it took me weeks before I could do a single pull-up again. But without you it would have taken a lot longer. As soon as I got back from the game I took a couple of your capsules. A few hours later I took a couple more. You stopped the swelling and thereby reduced the post-injury damage that would have made recovery harder.

How about the time I broke my toe? Without you my body would have overran the area with blood and caused more harm than good. But once again you came to my rescue and stopped this happening. And I couldn’t thank you enough.

But I know I can’t take you too much. You have this habit of lowering blood pressure, and that’s not such a good thing as I already have pretty low blood pressure. But even though I may ignore you for months at a time, you know that when I need you I’ll come calling. Rest assured that I won’t even look at a packet of asprin – it just doesn’t come close.

It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, but thanks to injuring my ankle (playing football as usual) I’ve had to make your acquaintance again. It’s not a bad injury – although it’ll be enough to keep me out for a couple of weeks – but you’ve already done your work to stop it from getting worse.

I just thought I owed you some thanks for all you’ve done for me over the years. Most people just take you and think nothing more of it. But for me you’ve saved me on many occasions and without your unique properties I’d have spent a lot more time suffering thanks to my body’s injury response system (which isn’t very good). You just don’t get the credit you deserve!

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Creator of John's Background Switcher. Scotsman, footballer, photographer, dog owner, risk taker, heart breaker, nice guy. Some of those are lies.

8 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. Weird substance found in freely available medicine

    The molecular structure of this miracoulus ingredient is similar to a chain with a ball attached.
    When taken in by a subject the free end of the chain structure docks on a synapse most likely in the critical faculty of the brain. There it triggers a electro chemical reaction that asks for more stimuli of the same kind while it is powerfull enough to override any other desires as for example the need for pain relief.

    When asked whether this property of the medicine was intended by the engineers a representative of medi-addic corp. assured to us that it most certainly was, although this most marvelous effect was not advertised in order to keep the customers of other product-lines loyal:
    “You know people like to believe that they are special, so we hand out for every malady a differently coloured capsule with a name that the surviving test subjects have found on the height of the effect.
    This is profitable as hell; we need only four or five different white powders for all our products.”
    When asked for the ethical implications of this kind of business processes the answer we received was that this is clearly the responsibility of the physicians as long as the industry has to follow the laws of economics. And as poignantly significant final statement we were told: “And anyway, who needs ethics when forgetting is so easily available?”


  2. I’m with you John, not Mr Anonymous above. I don’t use it often but God damn is that stuff just the trick for my many and varied sporting accidents (sic) and occasional elbow-exercising UDIs.


  3. Does this article fit in the “what was I on” category???

    A word of warning though, don’t take ibprofen if you have a poorly stomach – it can affect the stomach wall and make it worse.


  4. A line of coke usually sees me right. And its cheaper and easier to come by.


  5. John, when are you going to own up to your Xanax ‘problem’? You can’t hide it forever…


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