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See, I Can Be Selfish Too!


I admit it. I’m not perfect. And last night I proved it with a short but undeniable act of selfishness. I’m not sure what prompted me to do it (although I suspect it’s the devil inside me) but it was funny all the same. Okay, here’s what happened.

Myself, my girlfriend and my brother decided to go and see the new James Bond film (more on that later). I needed to go via a cash machine to get some money to pay to get into the cinema (as you do). I drove along the high-street in my little village and there’s a cash machine on the left hand side. Normally I drive to a junction at the end of the street, turn around and park with all the other cars on the opposite side from the machine. But this time I decided, for no particular reason, to just park on the double-yellow lines in front of the machine. That meant that only one lane was negotiable by cars so people on one side would have to queue. No problem I thought. It’s a quiet road, there’s almost never any traffic, and I’ll only be a minute anyway.

As soon as I stepped out of the car a line of traffic appeared in both directions, one queue building up behind my car. When the people eventually had a clear road and could pass (after perhaps 30 seconds of waiting) one of the guys tooted his horn. Then another and another. One even shouted “get a license while you’re at it!”, which I would normally have returned with “fuck you” (people are really tough inside a car but few people will have a go with a 6’1″ shaven headed monster when it comes down to it – a fact I rely upon) but I found the comment quite funny and laughed instead.

So, a total of about 90 seconds has elapsed and I’ve got the money in my wallet and sprint back to the car. Another guy toots his horn and stares at me as he passes. I naturally respond with a bit of “bring it on” body language. I get back into the car and my brother is laughing and my girlfriend is trying to hide herself away in the back seat, clearly embarrassed by my thoughtless actions. And guess what. There was no traffic again. Not a thing, just as it was when I stepped out of the car.

We drove off and went to see the Bond film, which was great by the way. I was expecting a lot of product placement and it to be terrible (the Times gave it one star) but I really enjoyed it. While I preferred it when Bond wore a Rolex Submariner to an Omega Seamaster, I still thought it was class. You know what you’re going to get with a Bond film and I’d honestly say that it’s the best of the modern films.

So, if you were one of the people who got stuck behind my blue Citroen Saxo Vtr last night, I apologise. It was a moment of madness and quite out of character. However, you really need to calm down. Being stuck behind a selfish driver’s car for 30 seconds shouldn’t result in you losing your cool and getting tense. I’m not happy about people who can’t stay calm under pressure being behind the wheel of a vehicle that can move at 100mph and cause a lot of damage. Okay?

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Creator of John's Background Switcher. Scotsman, footballer, photographer, dog owner, risk taker, heart breaker, nice guy. Some of those are lies.

5 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. You selfish Bas**rd

    They may have been to get some chips and gravy – 30 seconds could be the difference between a nice hot meal and something a little more tepid.

    You have plumetted in my estimation.

    Though this can be resored with a pint of the old Oyster Stout (or 2).

    Shallow??? Moi???


  2. Better still are the Submariners they sell at the bottom of Manhatten Island – why pay ?2350 when $80 will do?

    They work well…. occasionally. Ok, I got unlucky, but you can get unlucky about 46 times before you pay the same as the real thing.

    Plus it’s a good excuse to go back to NYC. Can do that about 4 times before the cost reaches a submariner….

    But you’ve heard all this before!!


  3. has to be the omega….

    and it is scary how fast a driver will loose his/her cool at being delayed slightly….

    but then i guess one of the reasons i got a bike was so that wouldn’t get delayed



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